Book Description
Here is the ultimate collection of the funniest, nastiest, and most outrageous classic insults in one easy reference. You'll find putdowns and zingers from famous literary figures, politicians, comedians, and movie stars on everything from appearance, marriage, and manners to food, politics, sports, and religion. A few choice picks:On the Sexes:"Girls bore me-they still do. I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I've ever known."-- Walt DisneyOn Food:"I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead-not sick, not wounded-dead."-- Woody AllenOn Politics:"Nobody likes to be called a liar. But to be called a liar by Bill Clinton is really a unique experience."-- Ross PerotOn Books:"The paperback is very interesting, but I find it will never replace a hardcover bookit makes a very poor doorstop."-- Alfred HitchcockTo give a foe an insult or a "friend" a left-handed compliment with the acuity and flair of such masters as Oscar Wilde, Dorothy Parker, and Mel Brooks, The Book of Classic Insults is the answer.


About the Author
Tom Steele is a writer living in New York City.


Excerpted from The Book of Classic Insults by Tom Steele, Bill Adler. Copyright © 1999. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved
Chapter One Appearance"She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."-- Groucho Marx"All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable."-- Fran Lebowitz"She was what we used to call a suicide blonde-dyed by her own hand." -- Saul Bellow"My mother-in-law had plastic surgery. She had a little work done on her nose.., they put it in the middle of her face."-- Redd Foxx"He left his body to science--and science is contesting the will."-- David Frost[Alexander Woollcut] looked like something that had gotten loose from Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade."--Harpo Marx"[William Paley] looks like a man who has just swallowed an entire human being."-- Truman Capote"You know, you have very beautiful children. It's a good thing your wife cheats on you."-- Joey Bishop"I was one of the few brides who ever got a request from the congregation to keep the veil on."-- Phyllis Diller"As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't."-- Carrie Fisher"Whenever I see his fingernails, I thank God I don't have to look at his feet."-- British actress Athene Seyler, on journalist Hannen SwafferWhile taking the Grand Tour, "when you look like your passport photo, it's time to go home."-- Erma Bombeck"Prince Charles's ears are so big he could hang-glide over the Falklands."-- Joan RiversActor Roger Moore described Joan Rivers as "a depressed area's Don Rickles--only not as pretty.""[Don Rickles] looks like an extra in a crowd scene by HieronymousBosch."-- Kenneth Tynan"He's so fat his bathtub has stretch marks."-- Orlando Magic manager Pat Williams,describing basketball player Charles Barkley"[Princess Anne is] such an active lass. So outdoorsy. She loves nature in spite of what it did to her."-- Bette Midler"She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say 'when.'"-- P.G. Wodehouse

FROM THE PUBLISHER