Men ask for what they want twice as often as women do and initiate negotiation four times more, report economist Linda Babcock and writer Sara Laschever in the footnoted but engaging Women Don't Ask. With vivid research examples drawn from cradle, classroom and playground, the authors detail culture as the culprit in discouraging women from negotiating on their own behalf.

Men, socialized in a "scrappier paradigm," learn to pursue and energize their goals at work and home. The two key elements are control and recognizing opportunity. For example, girls, rewarded for hard work, learn to see control as outside of themselves while boys are urged to take charge. Boys are schooled to recognize opportunity and girls to choose safe targets.

Several chapters are focused on prescription; how women can decrease anxiety, anticipate roadblocks, plan counter-moves and resist conceding too much or too soon. The authors shine in their examination of culture and gender--and their optimism about how women can counter the culture. They falter whenever they adopt the "sexes-from-a-different-planet" fallacy. Most notably, in a chapter that details a "female approach" to negotiating. Overall, the authors have created a smart summary of research and used it to affirm every woman's urgent right to ask. --Barbara Mackoff


From Publishers Weekly
Babcock and Laschever, contrary to their book's title, do ask a series of questions: Why do most women see a negotiation as an automatic fight instead of a chance to get what they deserve? Why are women afraid to ask for what they want in the workplace? And perhaps most importantly, why don't women feel entitled to ask for it? True to their academic backgrounds, Babcock (a Carnegie Mellon economist) and writer Laschever seek their answers in a series of gender psychology and economics studies (some done by them, most done by others). They cite numerous studies indicating that women are socialized to feel pushy and overbearing if they pursue their ideal situation when it spells potential conflict with employers or co-workers. The authors also use anecdotal evidence to support their claim that women are taught to feel like every negotiation is a monumental threat to a personal relationship, rather than a fact of business life (the view held by most men, they say). Their argument has important practical ramifications: the authors cite one study that estimates "a woman who routinely negotiates her salary increases will earn over one million dollars more by the time she retires than a woman who accepts what she's offered every time without asking for more." Babcock and Laschever's work is a great resource for anyone who doubts there is still a great disparity between the salary earnings of men and women in comparable professions. Alas, it isn't as successful at eloquence as it is at academic rigor.Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.


From Booklist
Women, the authors tell us, don't ask for what they want and need because of socialized behavior: from business, where they don't ask for raises, promotions, and better opportunities, to the home, where they don't ask for help with family and housekeeping. After extensive research, the authors claim that women are less likely than men to use negotiation to improve their status--and all of society loses when they do not. The book examines how modern Western culture strongly discourages women from asking for what they need and offers suggestions for removing those barriers. In the workplace, individuals can be trained to stop taking a harder line with women, making adversarial ways of responding to and evaluating women less permissible; and women can be trained to ask as women, not mimicking the style of men. This thoughtful analysis could both benefit managers across industry lines and help women learn the importance of developing negotiating skills. Mary Whaley
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved


Publishers Weekly
Great resource for anyone who doubts there is still a great disparity between the salary earnings of men and women.


Library Journal
This work puts forth a model for a society that respects women's communication strengths.


Margaret Cardwell, Library Journal
" puts forth a model for a society that respects women's communication strengths".


Laura D'Andrea Tyson, Business Week
" compelling new book."


Mary Whaley, Booklist
"This thoughtful analysis could both benefit managers across industry lines and help women learn the importance of developing negotiating skills".


Denise Kersten, USA Today
"This book is enlightening."


Booklist
This thoughtful analysis could both benefit managers across industry lines and help women learn the importance of developing negotiating skills.


Review
Women Don't Ask offers important insights into the persistent economic gap between men and women.


Book Description
When Linda Babcock asked why so many male graduate students were teaching their own courses and most female students were assigned as assistants, her dean said: "More men ask. The women just don't ask." It turns out that whether they want higher salaries or more help at home, women often find it hard to ask. Sometimes they don't know that change is possible--they don't know that they can ask. Sometimes they fear that asking may damage a relationship. And sometimes they don't ask because they've learned that society can react badly to women asserting their own needs and desires. By looking at the barriers holding women back and the social forces constraining them, Women Don't Ask shows women how to reframe their interactions and more accurately evaluate their opportunities. It teaches them how to ask for what they want in ways that feel comfortable and possible, taking into account the impact of asking on their relationships. And it teaches all of us how to recognize the ways in which our institutions, child-rearing practices, and unspoken assumptions perpetuate inequalities--inequalities that are not only fundamentally unfair but also inefficient and economically unsound. With women's progress toward full economic and social equality stalled, women's lives becoming increasingly complex, and the structures of businesses changing, the ability to negotiate is no longer a luxury but a necessity. Drawing on research in psychology, sociology, economics, and organizational behavior as well as dozens of interviews with men and women from all walks of life, Women Don't Ask is the first book to identify the dramatic difference between men and women in their propensity to negotiate for what they want. It tells women how to ask, and why they should.


From the Inside Flap
"Women Don't Ask helps women learn how to communicate their desires. This is absolutely essential and basic information since we can't read brainwaves. Speak up or surrender your goals!"--Patricia Schroeder, President & CEO, Association of American Publishers "Women Don't Ask does an amazing job in identifying and providing solutions to a very real issue: the challenges women face in negotiating. Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever have done a superb job not only in highlighting the problem of gender differences in negotiation but also in providing ways to begin fixing it. Example after example of the financial and emotional impacts make this issue extremely compelling. Any senior manager needs to be aware of the significant ramifications both in and out of the workplace. I highly recommend Women Don't Ask as a must read for executives--female and male."--Jim Berrien, President and Publisher, Forbes Magazine Group "In this brilliant book Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever provide readers with the means not only of navigating the difficulties of negotiation, but also of fully engaging a modern world where traditional roles and norms are receding and business dealing has become more important. By looking at negotiation through the lens of gender, Babcock and Laschever explain why we-men and women alike--develop our skills as negotiators, and in so doing they instruct us on how to become better negotiators. By illuminating negotiation through the real-life experiences of women and men, Babcock and Laschever underscore that most important lesson in all of negotiating: that the best deal is the deal that works best for all parties."--Robert J. Shiller, author of Irrational Exuberance and The New Financial Order "Women don't ask the important questions that will make them successful--but Babcock and Laschever do. This is an important study of how women can become their own best advocates by knowing how to ask for exactly what they want in their public and private lives. The secret is in believing that one can negotiate almost anything. Venus and Mars, bosses and tyros: this is the book you need to bring peace and happiness to every relationship."--Harriet Rubin, author of The Princessa: Machiavelli for Women "This book is an eye opener, a call to arms, and a plan for action; it is enlightening, unsettling, and, ultimately, inspiring. Although women have made great strides in American society, the reality is that, since the 1990s, progress has slowed to almost a standstill. Gracefully and with humor, Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever tell a riveting story about an invisible problem that's been hiding in plain sight: one major reason that women still work for less money and advance less far and less fast than men is that women themselves have accepted the status quo and refrained from asking for more than they're offered and for less than they need or deserve. They make the novel--and important--point that negotiation may be one of feminism's final frontiers. Of all the books about the roadblocks our society erects in women's paths, this one may prove to be the most useful in everyday life."--Teresa Heinz "Women Don't Ask is a compelling and fresh look at the gender-in-negotiation question. Practitioners can act on the advice in the book, and researchers will be asking new questions for decades. This book will fundamentally change how we think."--Max H. Bazerman, Harvard Business School "Eye-opening and riveting."--Virginia Valian, Hunter College, City University of New York "The authors offer advice that is practical and likely to result in desired changes for women who want to be able to accomplish more in multiple spheres of their lives."--Kathleen L. McGinn, Harvard University


About the Author
Linda Babcock is James M. Walton Professor of Economics at Carnegie Mellon University's H. John Heinz III School of Public Policy and Management. Sara Laschever is a writer whose work has been published by the "New York Times", the "New York Review of Books", the "Village Voice", "Vogue", and other publications.

FROM THE PUBLISHER

When Linda Babcock asked why so many male graduate students were teaching their own courses and most female students were assigned as assistants, her dean said: "More men ask. The women just don't ask." It turns out that whether they want higher salaries or more help at home, women often find it hard to ask. Sometimes they don't know that change is possible -- they don't know that they can ask. Sometimes they fear that asking may damage a relationship. And sometimes they don't ask because they've learned that society can react badly to women asserting their own needs and desires. By looking at the barriers holding women back and the social forces constraining them, Women Don't Ask shows women how to reframe their interactions and more accurately evaluate their opportunities. It teaches them how to ask for what they want in ways that feel comfortable and possible, taking into account the impact of asking on their relationships. And it teaches all of us how to recognize the ways in which our institutions, child-rearing practices, and unspoken assumptions perpetuate inequalities -- inequalities that are not only fundamentally unfair but also inefficient and economically unsound.

With women's progress toward full economic and social equality stalled, women's lives becoming increasingly complex, and the structures of businesses changing, the ability to negotiate is no longer a luxury but a necessity. Drawing on research in psychology, sociology, economics, and organizational behavior as well as dozens of interviews with men and women from all walks of life, Women Don't Ask is the first book to identify the dramatic difference between men and women in their propensity to negotiate for what they want. It tells women how to ask, and why they should.

FROM THE CRITICS

Publishers Weekly

Babcock and Laschever, contrary to their book's title, do ask a series of questions: Why do most women see a negotiation as an automatic fight instead of a chance to get what they deserve? Why are women afraid to ask for what they want in the workplace? And perhaps most importantly, why don't women feel entitled to ask for it? True to their academic backgrounds, Babcock (a Carnegie Mellon economist) and writer Laschever seek their answers in a series of gender psychology and economics studies (some done by them, most done by others). They cite numerous studies indicating that women are socialized to feel pushy and overbearing if they pursue their ideal situation when it spells potential conflict with employers or co-workers. The authors also use anecdotal evidence to support their claim that women are taught to feel like every negotiation is a monumental threat to a personal relationship, rather than a fact of business life (the view held by most men, they say). Their argument has important practical ramifications: the authors cite one study that estimates "a woman who routinely negotiates her salary increases will earn over one million dollars more by the time she retires than a woman who accepts what she's offered every time without asking for more." Babcock and Laschever's work is a great resource for anyone who doubts there is still a great disparity between the salary earnings of men and women in comparable professions. Alas, it isn't as successful at eloquence as it is at academic rigor.(Oct.) Forecast: Academics and feminists will eat this up, while casual readers may be less motivated to get through the dry text. Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information.

Library Journal

In this well-documented study, Babcock (economics, Carnegie Mellon Univ.) and Laschever report that the feminist movement has not made the strides that many of us would like. The work asks why women in the workplace have such difficulty negotiating for themselves (as opposed to others). The reasons they see for this cultural timidity are many and varied: women are socialized to put others first and to devalue their own work; they are seen as negatively aggressive if they look out for their own interests; and they expect to be rewarded fairly for their efforts. The aim of their research is not to show women how to negotiate like men but rather to describe how the gender divide is still deeply entrenched in our culture. They have determined that women can achieve more if they would recognize their needs and ask for them. After an extensive discussion of these situations, the authors examine those instances of women's uniquely successful negotiating skills and their overall benefits to organizations and society, such as the abilities to see past two options and to create value through collaboration. The final chapter almost appears as an afterthought, though the points are well taken. They discuss women's negotiating skills in terms of home life, stress, heart disease, and AIDS in just a few pages. Neither a dry academic treatise nor a self-help book, this work puts forth a model for a society that respects women's communication strengths. Strongly recommended for public and all academic libraries.-Margaret Cardwell, Christian Brothers Univ. Lib., Memphis Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information.

Soundview Executive Book Summaries

Negotiation and the Gender Divide
While examining the discrepancies between the pay and jobs received by men and women in academia, economics professor Linda Babcock and writer Sara Laschever discovered that much of the problem of unequal pay and fewer opportunities for advancement comes from the fact that women do not negotiate as often as men. After conducting several studies of the phenomenon, they realized that the higher salaries of men can often be attributed to men asking for them and women often settling for the first salary offered. In Women Don't Ask, the authors describe the problem of inequality and offer several solutions to help women gain ground lost to fundamental differences in the ways women and men negotiate.

According to a study conducted by Babcock of students graduating from Carnegie Mellon University with master's degrees, the starting salaries of the men were 7.6 percent or almost $4,000 higher on average than those of the women. According to the authors, only 7 percent of the female students had negotiated their salaries and asked for more money, but 57 percent (8 times as many) of the men had asked for more money. The students who had negotiated were able to increase their starting salaries by 7.4 percent on average, or $4,053 - almost exactly the difference between men's and women's average starting pay. The authors write that this suggests that the salary differences between the men and women might have been eliminated if the women had negotiated their offers.

Shared Assumptions
Throughout Women Don't Ask?, the authors explore the causes of the difference between men's and women's use of negotiation. They also examine why women often don't realize that change is possible and why they don't know that they can ask. By studying the social forces that shape women and cause them to focus on the needs of others rather than their own needs, the authors show how society's shared assumptions about what constitutes appropriate female behavior can limit a woman when she wants to assert her own wishes and desires. The authors write that they want to help women promote their own interests by exposing the social forces that constrain them.

Women Don't Ask also serves as an examination of how modern Western culture strongly discourages women from asking for what they want. By focusing at the culture in general instead of how women need to "fix" themselves, the authors attempt to provoke social change and inspire everyone in the work force and at home to think differently about how women can and should behave. In addition, they use statistics and case studies to show how preventing women from pursuing their dreams and ambitions in straightforward ways involves substantial social and economic costs for everyone.

Deloitte and Touche
The authors cite the international accounting and consulting firm of Deloitte and Touche, which employs about 29,000 people in the United States and 95,000 people worldwide, as an example of how an organization can create a large-scale change. In 1991, the firm decided it had a problem keeping women long enough to qualify for partner. The firm's average annual turnover rate among female managers was 33 percent. A task force calculated that every percentage point in turnover translated into an estimated $13 million for costs such as recruitment, training, hiring and bonuses. When polled, women cited the firm's male-dominated culture as a big reason for leaving.

Once Deloitte and Touche started looking at their assumptions about men and women, and began to see the implications of those assumptions, they made changes. By changing the way assignments were made and evaluations were determined, the firm started networking events and career-planning programs especially for women. By 2000, the number of female partners at the firm tripled from 5 to 14 percent, and the company saved close to $250 million in hiring and training costs.

The authors write that the experiences of this company provide a great example for how the rest of us, with a little commitment and persistent focus, can change our world. By shining a spotlight on the barriers that prevent women from asking for what they want, and suggesting ways for those barriers to be removed, the authors provide a vision of what is possible. They explain that helping women learn to negotiate both at work and at home - and teaching society to accept women's need and right to negotiate - will make our world a better, healthier place.