This first-person account of Alzheimer's ties several powerful stories together. Losing My Mind blends personal history with the fear and pain of developing the disease at the age of 57; it is both a sadly fascinating account of Alzheimer's progression and an attempt for the writer to remember his past before it is gone for good.

While his history is recounted in chronological order, these memories--of his childhood; marriage to his wife, Joyce; their years in writing and politics; his passion for herbs and the growing of a successful business--are interspersed with unrelated musings on everything from his cat's sudden deafness to losing his wallet. Clips from articles on Alzheimer's research are sprinkled around, and statistics like the $174,000 that a patient spends on the disease over a lifetime are sobering. Throughout the book, he clearly speaks of his diagnosis as a "sentence"; the lack of a cure is dwelt on in many sections, and a story about an accidental overdose of his prescriptions is particularly grim.

This is not a book that supplies any "power of positive thinking" messages, but instead shows the daily struggle of a man coming to terms with a terrible disease. Poignant and thoughtful, DeBaggio's life will hold meaning for anyone who has been touched by Alzheimer's. --Jill Lightner


From Publishers Weekly
"I have a clear sense of history, I just don't know whether it is mine," writes DeBaggio in this moving and unusual memoir. The author, who has previously written about his gardening business (Growing Herbs from Seed, Cutting and Root), documents his mental deterioration from Alzheimer's. Diagnosed with the disease in 1999 at the age of 57, DeBaggio undertook this project in order to increase awareness of this devastating illness from a patient's point of view. He describes how his gradual loss of memory has impacted his life. For example, after he became confused about how to get to his niece's house, he realized he had to give up driving a car. The increased loss of language has been extremely difficult for a man who once worked as a journalist and a freelance writer. Interspersed throughout the narrative are DeBaggio's recollections of his childhood events that may soon be lost to him. He also describes the disease's negative effect on his wife and grown son. Although DeBaggio provides information on the medical advances that are being made to treat this disease, it is clear that a breakthrough will come too late for him. With this rare first-person account, DeBaggio has made a significant contribution to literature on an illness that currently affects four million Americans. Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.


From Library Journal
In 1999, when he was 57 years old, DeBaggio was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's disease. Shortly thereafter, he began this moving memoir. A former journalist, professional gardener, and author of two gardening books, DeBaggio was determined to record the course of his illness "to break through the sense of shame and silence [that] Alzheimer's has engendered and to tell the world what it is like." He recounts stories from his past, daily life since his diagnosis, and its effect on his wife and son, along with summaries of scientific information about Alzheimer's gleaned from the professional literature. Interspersed with that information are his almost epigrammatic musings on the loneliness, fear, anger, and even puzzlement engendered by this "evil disease that sleeps on the edge of [his] consciousness." DeBaggio soon discovered that Alzheimer's freed him to "write seriously and well." Truly, the act of remembering and writing gave purpose to his days when he could no longer work in his greenhouses. However, finding the words to express himself eventually became "insurmountable," and his ability to perform everyday tasks gradually diminished; he found himself struggling to finish the book before "there [was] no memory left." DeBaggio's vivid descriptions of changes in memory and thought patterns, as well as his nocturnal visual hallucinations, illuminate this harrowing disease as few other first-person accounts have. Highly recommended. [Thanks to medications, the author is doing fairly well. Ed.] Karen McNally Bensing, Benjamin Rose Inst. Lib., Clevelan.- Karen McNally Bensing, Benjamin Rose Inst. Lib., Cleveland Copyright 2002 Reed Business Information, Inc.


From the New England Journal of Medicine, September 12, 2002
Herbalist and writer Thomas DeBaggio describes eloquently the terror evoked by the label "Alzheimer's disease." His book joins works of fiction, nonfiction, and alleged nonfiction that portray their authors' struggles with the demon of dementia. In general, we should celebrate such attempts to highlight the perspective of the patient, client, or consumer with descriptions of the writer's own experience with illness. Nevertheless, efforts to inform and influence the public through such books invite criticism as well as celebration. Losing My Mind is intentionally written in several different voices. Incompletely referenced quotations from the Johns Hopkins White Papers, National Institute on Aging progress reports, and various journal articles pepper the book. Although they reflect a certain zest for science, they are ultimately distracting. The author's research for the book did not prevent errors such as the claim that donepezil slows the death of nerve cells or oversimplifications of issues surrounding apolipoprotein E testing. Short aphorisms, highlighted by italics, have been constructed with care to capture generalizations about the experience of dementia, but like much of the book, these sentences are excessively dramatic and overwritten. One example appears at the back of the book: "What better way to die than celebrating life?" The main part of the book communicates DeBaggio's powerful memories of earlier life and the current state of the author's intelligence. Stories of his childhood -- for example, the story of building a crystal radio when he was a Cub Scout -- mingle with the anger and terror of his diagnostic process. DeBaggio became a spokesperson for the Alzheimer's Association, a favorite of Noah Adams on National Public Radio, and a reluctant but show-stealing speaker at the World Alzheimer's Congress held in Washington, D.C., in 2000. He is currently writing more books about his experience with dementia, perhaps inspired by the success of his first work. This is not the first book that has caused me to question the appropriateness of a disease label either for a specific person or as a social construct. Could such an eloquent, intelligent writer, especially one who so graphically describes the failing of his writing at the end of the book, have Alzheimer's disease? Perhaps he received assistance in writing, but if so, why was this assistance not listed in his acknowledgements? Could he have an Alzheimer's disease variant? Hints are given about a family history, but the results of the research into the pedigree of this 57-year-old man are not fully shared. Is this a familial dementia or not? The issues of diagnosis and social construction of disease are essential to this book because of the fears expressed by the author about his label. Perhaps DeBaggio is describing the normal aging of a 57-year-old. Might he have benign senile forgetfulness, aging-associated memory impairment, or even mild cognitive impairment? These are labels. Which of them are diagnoses of disease? None. Which might be a harbinger of further cognitive decline or even dementia? All of them, but so is aging itself, to one degree or another. Diminished mental powers, from one cause or another, will accompany aging for a long time to come. But we should not forget positive aspects of cognitive aging, such as opportunities for sharing wisdom among generations. Does the fear of Alzheimer's disease overshadow efforts to enhance cognitive vitality as we age? Between normality and dementias such as Alzheimer's disease there are more hilly, continuous relations than chasms of categorical distinctions. Alzheimer's disease is a social marker, and those who control this marker are powerful. As efforts to promote the early recognition of Alzheimer's disease continue, how much age-related cognitive change will be medicalized? Can it be that one of the listeners to the National Public Radio program on which DeBaggio was featured was correct in asking whether more suffering than we imagine is caused by the labels that doctors apply? Whatever the best label for DeBaggio, he does us a service in documenting the power of fear of Alzheimer's disease. The treatment of the phobia of a disease is quite different at the levels of both the person and the society than the therapy for the disease itself. What if someone had what we now call Alzheimer's disease and was not so afraid? What if we could die in peace? What if we really could celebrate life as we died? Peter J. Whitehouse, M.D., Ph.D.Copyright © 2002 Massachusetts Medical Society. All rights reserved. The New England Journal of Medicine is a registered trademark of the MMS.


From AudioFile
In a fabulous production of a groundbreaking book, the author shares his personal reflections on living with a fatal neurological disease. It's a grueling process--being diagnosed, dealing with others' reactions, and feeling what you feel when a failing memory makes the symbols and connections of ordinary life unavailable for use. The author's observations and reactions, read here by DeBaggio and Cotter Smith, capture his experiences without creating distance between victim and listener. The author's authenticity is moving and shows the respect he obviously feels for himself. Tucked within this powerful memoir is concise information, read by Linda Emond, about the biological and social realities of this terrible disease. A must-hear for all patients and families who want to stay informed. T.W. Winner of AudioFile Earphones Award © AudioFile 2002, Portland, Maine-- Copyright © AudioFile, Portland, Maine


From Booklist
This perspective on a well-known disease is unusual because the author is the patient in question. DeBaggio, a writer and commercial grower of herbs and other plants, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's at 57 and began keeping the journal on which the book is based. Since Alzheimer's can be definitely diagnosed only at autopsy, a strong element of uncertainty plays a role in DeBaggio's roughly two-year account, in which he combines reports from the scientific literature and autobiography. The resultant, surprisingly unified book features striking contrasts between his disease's course and his relationships with his wife and son. The inevitable loss of memories, growing confusion, and increasing inability to use words are major motifs of this saddening and perforce pessimistic story, which includes DeBaggio's castigation of his early doctors' impersonality and uncaring attitudes. A fine contribution to the vast Alzheimer's literature. William Beatty
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved


Review
Robert Lee HotzLos Angeles TimesDeBaggio vividly articulates the profound shock and despair of one person in the early stages of Alzheimer's disease. It is a story made all the more compelling because that person is himself.


Review
Robert Lee Hotz Los Angeles Times DeBaggio vividly articulates the profound shock and despair of one person in the early stages of Alzheimer's disease. It is a story made all the more compelling because that person is himself.


Book Description
"We are foolish, those of us who think we can escape the traps of aging," writes Tom DeBaggio. "I was one of them, dreaming of a perfect and healthy old age....Now, at fifty-eight, I realize the foolishness of my dreams as I watch my brain self-destruct from Alzheimer's." Losing My Mind is DeBaggio's extraordinary account of his early onset Alzheimer's, a disease that "silently hollows the brain" and slowly "gobbles memory and destroys life." But with DeBaggio's curse came an unexpected blessing: the ability to chart the mechanics and musings of his failing mind.Whether describing the happy days of his youth or lamenting over the burden his disease has placed upon his loved ones, DeBaggio manages to inspire the reader with his ability to function, to think, and ultimately to survive. By turns an autobiography, a medical history, and a book of meditations, Losing My Mind is a testament to the splendor of memory and a triumphant celebration of the human spirit.


Download Description
When Tom DeBaggio turned fifty-seven in 1999, he thought he was about to embark on the relaxing golden years of retirement -- time to spend with his family, his friends, the herb garden he had spent decades cultivating and from which he made a living. Then, one winter day, he mentioned to his doctor during a routine exam that he had been stumbling into forgetfulness, making his work difficult. After that fateful visit, and a subsequent battery of tests over several months, DeBaggio joined the legion of twelve million others afflicted with Alzheimer's disease. But under such a curse, DeBaggio was also given one of the greatest gifts: the ability to chart the ups and downs of his own failing mind. Losing My Mind is an extraordinary first-person account of early onset Alzheimer's -- the form of the disease that ravages younger, more alert minds. DeBaggio started writing on the first day of his diagnosis and has continued despite his slipping grasp on one of life's greatest treasures, memory. In an inspiring and detailed account, DeBaggio paints a vivid picture of the splendor of memory and the pain that comes from its loss.


About the Author
Thomas DeBaggio has worked as both a professional herb grower and a newspaper journalist. The author of Growing Herbs from Seed, Cutting & Root, Basil: An Herb Lover's Guide (with Susan Belsinger), and The Big Book of Herbs (with Arthur O. Tucker), he lives with his wife in Arlington, Virginia.

FROM OUR EDITORS

The Barnes & Noble Review
Writer Thomas DeBaggio, who was diagnosed with the early onset of Alzheimer's disease at age 57, describes Losing My Mind as "the story of a man surprised by his body and the sudden deterioration of his mind," but it is far more than that. In addition to being a highly original and, at times, devastatingly poignant memoir of illness, the book is nothing short of a real-time account of witnessing one's identity slip away through a pattern of increasingly serious memory lapses, ranging from misspelled words to the experience of winding up in different rooms of the house without knowing why.

DeBaggio writes, "Sometimes I go into the kitchen for a drink of water. By the time I get there I can't remember why I am there, but my body ends up at the ice machine. I stand in front of the ice machine and stare at it. From somewhere inside my head comes the message 'You are in front of the ice machine because you want a glass of water.' At other times I can't remember why I went into the room and my body and mind are no help to me. Sometime later my mind flashes a message and I remember but it is so long ago I am no longer interested."

Listeners of National Public Radio may be familiar with a series of interviews DeBaggio and members of his family did with Noah Adams aimed at increasing public awareness about Alzheimer's by illustrating the progress of his disease. The book is written in the same spirit but differs in that it weaves together three distinct narrative lines. One records the author's earliest long-term memories, beginning in childhood and continuing up through the 1970s. Another takes a more clinical view, describing the latest Alzheimer's research. Both of these are of interest, but more powerful by far is DeBaggio's own first-person narrative chronicling his attempts to manage his present condition and make sense of his daily life.

It is in this voice that he writes, "One of the small pleasures of having any illness is the opportunity it provides to tell people about it." Yet in another passage he admits to being "afraid to write because watching the words come out distorted is painful and it reveals the destructive power of the disease over which I have no control." Anyone concerned about Alzheimer's will be thankful he sought out the small pleasures rather than succumbing to his fears, and will hope he continues to do so. (P. L. Jennings)

FROM THE PUBLISHER

"We are foolish, those of us who think we can escape the traps of aging," writes Tom DeBaggio."I was one of them, dreaming of a perfect and healthy old age. . . . Now, at fifty-eight, I realize the foolishness of my dreams as I watch my brain self-destruct from Alzheimer's." Losing My Mind is DeBaggio's extraordinary account of his early onset Alzheimer's, a disease that "silently hollows the brain" and slowly "gobbles memory and destroys life." But with DeBaggio's curse came an unexpected blessing: the ability to chart the mechanics and musings of his failing mind.

Whether describing the happy days of his youth or lamenting over the burden his disease has placed upon his loved ones, DeBaggio manages to inspire the reader with his ability to function, to think, and ultimately to survive. By turns an autobiography, a medical history, and a book of meditations, Losing My Mind is a testament to the splendor of memory and a triumphant celebration of the human spirit.

SYNOPSIS

Tom DeBaggio turned fifty-seven in 1999. One day he mentioned to his doctor that he seemed to be stumbling into forgetfulness. DeBaggio was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's. He immediately began charting the ups and downs of his failing mind. Here is the captivating tale of DeBaggio's battle to stay connected with the world...

FROM THE CRITICS

Book Magazine

Hideous irony, that a memoir about memory loss could be so unforgettable. At fifty-seven, DeBaggio, a commercial gardener who has written books on the subject, finds himself in the early stages of Alzheimer's disease. Writing from the afflicted point of view was a difficult undertaking. "After 40 years of pussyfooting with words," he says, "I finally had a story of hell to tell." The author puts on a brave face but thankfully doesn't try to maintain it throughout. The book's unconventional narrative combines childhood memories with excerpts from medical reports; its choppy style is a necessary consequence of DeBaggio's diminishing condition. Oddly, the approach helps him explain the disease that is fast becoming unexplainable for him. DeBaggio frets that he lived "an ordinary life by definition"—only to conclude that the hand he's been dealt is anything but ordinary. This amazing book is both a lament and a muted kind of celebration. "It is the most exciting time in my life," DeBaggio acknowledges. "As it should be." —James Sullivan

Publishers Weekly

"I have a clear sense of history, I just don't know whether it is mine," writes DeBaggio in this moving and unusual memoir. The author, who has previously written about his gardening business (Growing Herbs from Seed, Cutting and Root), documents his mental deterioration from Alzheimer's. Diagnosed with the disease in 1999 at the age of 57, DeBaggio undertook this project in order to increase awareness of this devastating illness from a patient's point of view. He describes how his gradual loss of memory has impacted his life. For example, after he became confused about how to get to his niece's house, he realized he had to give up driving a car. The increased loss of language has been extremely difficult for a man who once worked as a journalist and a freelance writer. Interspersed throughout the narrative are DeBaggio's recollections of his childhood events that may soon be lost to him. He also describes the disease's negative effect on his wife and grown son. Although DeBaggio provides information on the medical advances that are being made to treat this disease, it is clear that a breakthrough will come too late for him. With this rare first-person account, DeBaggio has made a significant contribution to literature on an illness that currently affects four million Americans. (Mar.) Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information.

Library Journal

In 1999, when he was 57 years old, DeBaggio was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's disease. Shortly thereafter, he began this moving memoir. A former journalist, professional gardener, and author of two gardening books, DeBaggio was determined to record the course of his illness "to break through the sense of shame and silence [that] Alzheimer's has engendered and to tell the world what it is like." He recounts stories from his past, daily life since his diagnosis, and its effect on his wife and son, along with summaries of scientific information about Alzheimer's gleaned from the professional literature. Interspersed with that information are his almost epigrammatic musings on the loneliness, fear, anger, and even puzzlement engendered by this "evil disease that sleeps on the edge of [his] consciousness." DeBaggio soon discovered that Alzheimer's freed him to "write seriously and well." Truly, the act of remembering and writing gave purpose to his days when he could no longer work in his greenhouses. However, finding the words to express himself eventually became "insurmountable," and his ability to perform everyday tasks gradually diminished; he found himself struggling to finish the book before "there [was] no memory left." DeBaggio's vivid descriptions of changes in memory and thought patterns, as well as his nocturnal visual hallucinations, illuminate this harrowing disease as few other first-person accounts have. Highly recommended. [Thanks to medications, the author is doing fairly well. Ed.] Karen McNally Bensing, Benjamin Rose Inst. Lib., Cleveland Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information.

AudioFile