Book Description
MILLIONS OF PEOPLE THINK CHILDREN ARE THE CUTEST,CUDDLIEST, MOST WONDERFUL, SAINTLY CREATURESIN THE ENTIRE WORLD.THESE PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN.THEY HAVE NICE THINGS. THEY COLLECT FRAGILE POTTERY. THEY HAVE CANDLELIT DINNERS IN FANCY RESTAURANTS. THEY GO TO MOVIES. THEY HAVE WHITE CARPETS.PEOPLE WITH SMALL CHILDREN HAVEN'T BEEN TO A RESTAURANT WITHOUTPLASTIC SILVERWARE IN YEARS. THE LAST MOVIE THEY SAW IN A THEATER IS NOWON AMERICAN MOVIE CLASSICS. THEIR HOUSE LOOKS LIKE IT WASDECORATED BY PEE-WEE HERMAN.BABY'S FIRST TATTOO IS FOR THEM.For years parents have been buying baby books to document all the precious moments in their new baby's life -- Baby's First Tooth, Baby's First Haircut, Baby's First Step. What have been ignored for too long are those "alternative" precious moments that really should be written down, celebrated, and remembered -- Baby's First Projectile Vomit, Baby's First Tantrum in a Crowded Grocery Store, Baby's 10,000th Dirty Diaper. Otherwise you might forget them and think of becoming parents once again.


About the Author
Jim Mullen has seven brothers and sisters and sixteen nieces and nephews. When not in therapy, he writes the "Hot Sheet" column for Entertainment Weekly and is the author of It Takes a Village Idiot, a memoir of moving from Manhattan to a small town in the Catskills.


Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
IntroductionThere are two kinds of babies in the world: the cute, cuddly, cherubic bundles of joy and the real ones. This book is for parents who are thinking of having, who are near having, or who have recently had a real baby. Even if you want the other kind, chances are that you will get a real, crying, screaming, nerve-shredding baby instead.While most books marking your baby's milestones concentrate on minor events like Baby's First Word, and Baby's First Tooth, Baby's First Tattoo lets you relive the unforgettable moments in your baby's life that are too often ignored: Baby's First Tantrum in a Crowded Grocery Store, Baby's First Dirt-Eating, Baby's First Test of Wills.Unlike the old-fashioned baby books you will find in your parents' attic, this book is meant to be filled out beyond page four, and will also give you a timely warning as to what new hell you can expect from your child next. Will today be the day you make two visits to the emergency room or just your First Panic Call to Poison Control?People often say to me, "If babies are such a bother and a burden, why do people keep having them?" And I say, "Because they have poor memories." To which they say, "What were we just talking about?"The other reason is that parents, quite naturally, like to brag about their children. They play up the good things and avoid the bad. You will always hear about Billy's first step. You will rarely hear about Billy's first day in juvenile court, even if you were one of his victims. You will most definitely hear about Betty's first haircut, yet the day she bit the neighbor kid so hard he needed stitches in his hand is somehow glossed over. Baby's First Tattoo presents life with a new child the way it really is, not the way it should be.Text copyright © 2002 by Jim Mullen

FROM OUR EDITORS

Jim Mullen thinks that the world has its fill of parent memory books that offer slots for baby's first word and first burp and first brilliant discovery. Believing that moms and dads want more than the gooey highlights of their toddler's daily routine, Mullen has prepared an alternative scrapbook for true 21st-century parents. Baby's First Tattoo includes lists that every caregiver can relate to, such as: "Restaurants We Never Go to Anymore"; "First Irreplaceable Heirloom You Broke"; and, of course, "Oscar-Winning Movies We've Never Seen."

FROM THE PUBLISHER

Millions Of People Think Children Are The Cutest,Cuddliest, Most Wonderful, Saintly Creatures In The Entire World.

These People Do Not Have Children.

They Have Nice Things. They Collect Fragile Pottery. They Have Candlelit Dinners In Fancy Restaurants. They Go To Movies. They Have White Carpets.

People With Small Children Haven't Been To A Restaurant Without Plastic Silverware In Years. The Last Movie They Saw In A Theater Is Now On American Movie Classics. Their House Looks Like It Was Decorated By Pee-Wee Herman.

Baby's First Tattoo Is For Them.