Be prepared to weep as you read Non Campus Mentis: World History According to College Students, a horrifically hilarious compendium of actual North American college student essays. Learn about the victims of the Black Death (who "grew boobs on their necks"), the Automaton Empire, Martin Luther King's famous "If I Had a Hammer" speech, the Iran Hostess Crisis, Zorroastrologism (the "duelist" religion "founded by Zorro"), and Joan of Ark, Noah's wife, at rest on Mt. Arafat. Meet Dim El Sum of Korea, the Vestigal Virgins, "dedicated to burning the internal flame," and Hitler, who "shot himself in the bonker." Did you know a position as "lady-in-mating helped a young girl's chances for a marriage," and "the assignation of Archduke Ferdman gave sweet relief to mounting tensions," or that "the major cause of the Civil War is when slavery spread its ugly testicles across the West"?

Well, you'd better buckle down and learn, then! --Tim Appelo


The Baltimore Sun
"You'll laugh until you cry..."


Book Description
Those who forget the past are condemned to eat it, said Santayana.

(Didn't he?) Good thing he didn't teach today, when college students write that during the Dark Ages it was mostly dark and the Civil Rights movement turned around the corner with Martin Luther Junior's famous 'If I Had a Hammer' speech.

Culled by Professor Anders Henriksson from the history term papers and exams of students at over 30 colleges, Non Campus Mentis may be the funniest book of history since 1066 and All That. It is a collection of shocking mistakes and hysterical bloopers that, like a string of one-liners, are woven into a chronology with all the unexpected wit and juxtapositions of a brilliant comedy monologue. Non Campus Mentis covers it all, including the dawn of religion: Judyism was the first monolithic religion. It had one big God named 'Yahoo.' The mother of Jesus was Mary, who was different from other women because of her immaculate contraption. Great historical figures: Machiavelli, who was often unemployed, wrote The Prince to get a job with Richard Nixon. The social order: Upper Class, Middle Class, Working Class and Lowest Poor Scum. And celebrated conflicts: This was known as the 'Blintz Krieg.' The French huddled up and threw sneers at the Germans. Hitler's attack on Russia was secretly called 'Operation Barbarella.'...Hitler, who had become depressed for some reason, crawled under Berlin. Here he had his wife Evita put to sleep, and then shot himself in the bonker.


From the Back Cover
Mangled Moments of Western Civilization from term papers & blue book exams. From college students' own authentic and inimitable voices comes a collection of bloopers, malapropisms, revisionist hypotheses, and creative interpretations of history, the subject that "grinds our critical, seething minds to a halt." DID YOU KNOW: Cesar was assassinated on the Yikes of March when he is reported to have said, "Me too, Brutus!" Stalin, Rosevelt, Churchill, and Truman were known as the "Big Three" Rasputin was a pheasant by birth Judyism had one big God named "Yahoo" Westward expansion ended at Custard's Last Stand Marie Curie won the Noel Prize for inventing the radiator The Civil Rights movement turned around the corner with Martin Luther Junior's famous "If I Had a Hammer" speech

FROM OUR EDITORS

This sidesplitting collection features blunders from college students who didn't quite study as hard as they should have. From the "Yikes of March" to the subtleties of "Judyism," Non Campus Mentis takes readers on a hilarious tour of what students are not learning in the hallowed halls of America's universities.

FROM THE PUBLISHER

Mangled Moments of Western Civilization from term papers & blue book exams.

From college students' own authentic and inimitable voices comes a collection of bloopers, malapropisms, revisionist hypotheses, and creative interpretations of history, the subject that "grinds our critical, seething minds to a halt."

DID YOU KNOW:

Cesar was assassinated on the Yikes of March when he is reported to have said, "Me too, Brutus!"

Stalin, Rosevelt, Churchill, and Truman were known as the "Big Three"

Rasputin was a pheasant by birth

Judyism had one big God named "Yahoo"

Westward expansion ended at Custard's Last Stand

Marie Curie won the Noel Prize for inventing the radiator

The Civil Rights movement turned around the corner with Martin Luther Junior's famous "If I Had a Hammer" speech

FROM THE CRITICS

Baltimore Sun