As a follow-up to his bestselling book Life Strategies, Oprah acolyte Phillip C. McGraw, Ph.D., moves from aiding the aimless individual to coaching the disconnected couple. McGraw has distilled his more than two decades of counseling experience into a seven-step strategy he calls "Relationship Rescue."

"I'm prepared to kick a hole in the wall of the pain-ridden, unhappy maze you've gotten yourself into, and provide you clear access to action-oriented answers and instructions on what you must do to have what you want," says Dr. Phil. His aim is to expose and eliminate the saboteurs that cause senseless damage to already-fragile marriages, and, like an emotional root canal, to replace them with values he says provide positive results. If you follow Dr. Phil's strategy, he will lead you on a precise journey to uncover your heart and then share it with your partner as part of taking the "risk of intimacy."

Dr. Phil leads you to "reconnect with your core" in the first five steps of his seven-step strategy. By no means a quick fix, there are in-depth and rigorous questionnaires, surveys, tests, and profiles that require a "brutally candid" mindset, with such fill-in-the-blanks as "List five things that today would make you fall out of love with your partner." With this internal work accomplished, you'll then move on to reconnecting with your partner during a two-week, half-hour-a-day short course. As a "dyad," you and your loved one take turns giving monologues on topics such as "The most positive thing I took away from my mother and father's relationship was..."

Once the "reconnection" has been established, Dr. Phil says the work shifts to a management role, as relationships are always a work in progress. Dr. Phil humorously refers to his own marriage throughout the book, sharing his mishaps and victories in learning to accept and enjoy what he sees as fundamental but complementary differences between men and women. --John Youngs


From Publishers Weekly
Oprah's relationship expert and the author of the hugely popular Life Strategies, McGraw offers a challenge to readers in troubled marriages. (Though he refers to "relationships," his comments about the roles of men and women make it obvious that McGraw has mostly traditional marriages in mind.) With typical frankness, the Dallas psychologist declares that the underlying reason that "your relationship is in trouble [is] because you set it up that way." Traditional relationship counseling doesn't work, McGraw says, so he dares readers to follow his multistep plan for "reconnecting," which demands honest exploration, through exhaustive self-tests and questionnaires designed to define each partner's needs and expectations. The last step of McGraw's program is probably the most difficult and rewarding: 14 days of structured reconnection exercises in which the partners share their deepest feelings. By participating with the required level of commitment, candor and seriousness, couples would seem to guarantee enhancing their relationships. Despite the strengths of his program, McGraw's compelling television presence doesn't translate well to the page. He reminds readers so often that the "reconnecting" process will not be easy or fun that at times he seems more hectoring than persuasive--not that this is likely to matter to his viewers and fans. One-day laydown on February 8; television and radio satellite tours. (Feb.) Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.


From Library Journal
McGraw does a wonderful job of examining practical steps that can help to rescue floundering intimate relationships. From the beginning, he acknowledges that only one partner may be inspired to take the action he recommends. He says the core causes of relationship collapse include believing in relationship myths; failing to take personal responsibility for the relationship; and ignoring one's own "core consciousness" (i.e., that which is integral to one's own belief systems). He then helps the listener learn how these blocks can be identified and overcome. McGraw's acknowledged belief in a "Higher Power" might also bring comfort to users who desire a religious basis for healing. The advice itself, however, is mainstream, obviously based on McGraw's broad experience as a counselor, and will almost certainly inspire someone looking for help for a relationship in crisis. Librarians acquiring this program must be aware of limitations that may make it a secondary purchase. First, this tape is meant to be used over an extended period of time. Second, a "relationship test booklet" is included in the packageAa small pamphlet that will soon be lost in most libraries. Finally, the author indicates that use of this book alone is enough to save a failing relationship. Most patrons, after reviewing the audiobook, will decide if they want to have their own copy or not. In the meantime, it may offer hope to anyone struggling to make a relationship work.AKathleen Sullivan, Phoenix P.L. Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.


From AudioFile
Plain and simple, this is the best audio on fixing romantic relationships that's ever been made. It's not perfect (Dr. Phil's cowboy omnipotence is not everyone's taste), but it covers every aspect of rediscovering and nurturing a long term connection. He urges listeners to first become integrated by finding their "core consciousness" and then to make a decision, if possible, to do whatever their partner needs to make the relationship work. The advice is well organized and supported by fabulous exercises, and it's mainly for couples who want to succeed with each other. Intuitive and sensible by anyone's standards, the program gives specific advice on how to get away from unhealthy ways of connecting and find satisfaction in unconditional commitment and giving. T.W. © AudioFile 2001, Portland, Maine-- Copyright © AudioFile, Portland, Maine


Book Description
Now in paperback! "The #1 self-help book for 2000" (USA Today) and the #1 New York Times bestseller, with 1 million copies in print." After successfully helping hundreds of thousands of people take responsibility for their own actions, Dr. Phil McGraw now turns his expertise to the primary area of concern troubling most people: their relationships. In his tell-it-like-it-is style that already has influenced millions of Oprah viewers, "Dr. Phil" blows the whistle on the rhetoric of traditional "couples therapy" and instead tells you that -- no matter what state your relationship is in -- not only are you responsible for it, you are responsible for getting it back on track. By doing this, he offers readers the chance for further happiness through meaningful, fulfilling relationships that work. Dr. Phil McGraw sets the record straight on the most popular myths about what a good relationship is supposed to be, such as: Myth #1: A great relationship depends on a great meeting of the minds Myth #6: A great relationship lets you vent all your feelings Myth #7: A great relationship has nothing to do with sex


Download Description
Dr. Phil McGraw, whose first book, Life Strategies, was a number one New York Times national bestseller, now turns his expertise to the primary area of concern troubling most people: their relationships. In his tell-it-like-it-is style that already has had an impact on millions of viewers of The Oprah Winfrey Show, Dr. Phil blows the whistle on the rhetoric of traditional "couples therapy." Instead he tells you at the very beginning that no matter what state your relationship is in, not only are you responsible for it, you are responsible for rescuing it. McGraw explodes the ten most popular myths about good relationships and provides a series of fascinating exercises that allow for a step-by-step process for you to reconnect with your partner. This is a transformative book that not only will put you back on track with your partner, but you'll know that you are back on track with yourself.


About the Author
Phillip C. McGraw, Ph.D., author of the New York Times bestseller Life Strategies, has worked in the field of human functioning and strategic life planning for over twenty years. He is the co-founder and president of Courtroom Sciences, Inc., and has been associated with some of the highest-profile litigation cases in the country, including Oprah's highly publicized "mad cow" suit. A professional psychologist, he appears regularly on Oprah as her resident expert on human functioning. He lives in Dallas, Texas.

FROM OUR EDITORS

The Barnes & Noble Review
Are you in a troubled relationship? Worried about the stability of your marriage or your future with your life partner? Have you considered counseling but forgone it for a lack of either time or money? Now you can get help for your floundering relationship and the next-best thing to your own personal counselor with Phillip McGraw￯﾿ﾽs self-help book Relationship Rescue.

At a time when the stability in relationships is at an all-time low and divorce rates still hang above the 50 percent mark, McGraw￯﾿ﾽs book is a welcome addition to the self-help market. Its intensive, hands-on approach makes it a standout from all the rest and may offer the best solution for many who are hoping to build (or resurrect) a meaningful and fulfilling relationship.

McGraw￯﾿ﾽs basic premise isn￯﾿ﾽt a revolutionary one. Like many before him, he preaches that the quality of a relationship depends on two things: the existence and strength of an underlying friendship and the degree to which the needs of both partners are met. It￯﾿ﾽs how McGraw goes about guiding the reader through the rescue process that makes this book stand apart from its competition -- a process that is not for sissies or for anyone who is less than fully committed to making his or her relationship work. The program McGraw advocates in Relationship Rescue isn￯﾿ﾽt geared toward figuring out why a relationship is broken but rather toward fixing it. And McGraw makes it clear up front that a serious commitment is required, for the process is neither easy nor comfortable.

An intriguing aspect of McGraw￯﾿ﾽs method is that it doesn￯﾿ﾽt require active involvement from the other partner in the relationship, though admittedly the whole process is more likely to succeed if both parties work together. Instead, McGraw puts the onus squarely on the reader￯﾿ﾽs shoulders, advocating a program of self-healing that will identify destructive behaviors, overcome damaging beliefs, and promote realistic goal setting for the relationship. The process involves an intensive program of self-analysis, brutal honesty, and accountability. McGraw directs readers to accept responsibility for their own happiness, to identify those obstacles that may be preventing it, and to take an aggressive and active approach toward achieving it. According to McGraw, fixing yourself will trigger changes in your partner￯﾿ﾽs behaviors and attitudes, changes that will ultimately salvage the relationship.

If this sounds like a monumental task, it is, but Relationship Rescue walks readers through the process one step at a time, providing the type of information, guidance, and ￯﾿ﾽsessions￯﾿ﾽ one might experience in a therapist￯﾿ﾽs office. The book contains guidelines to stimulate thought, questionnaires to help readers identify and deal with any emotional baggage they might be carrying, a provocative look at the types of behaviors that reflect one￯﾿ﾽs ￯﾿ﾽdark side,￯﾿ﾽ and even a scripted dialogue for when it￯﾿ﾽs time to approach the other partner. It￯﾿ﾽs an ongoing and lengthy process, replete with lots of homework.

McGraw￯﾿ﾽs tone is a refreshing one that brooks no nonsense and gets straight to the heart of the matter. He takes a firm stand on a number of issues, often coming down on the opposite side of the fence from many other current relationship counselors. He embraces the differences between men and women and defends certain types of disagreements as necessary evils. He emphasizes the importance of intimacy and vulnerability and dispels some commonly held myths about romance, love, and the nature of relationships. And his ideas on the necessity of conflict resolution may turn some modern-day counselors apoplectic.

This isn￯﾿ﾽt a warm and fuzzy book; in fact, readers who actually go through all of McGraw￯﾿ﾽs activities will find many of them downright uncomfortable. There are no platitudes or cutesy sayings here to provide short-term cover-ups; rather, the book reads like an intensive-care manual for saving a floundering relationship or resurrecting a dying one. Following McGraw￯﾿ﾽs plan may or may not succeed in rescuing a relationship, and, in fact, McGraw lists some scenarios where he doesn￯﾿ﾽt recommend making the attempt. But even if his plan fails to save an existing relationship, it is bound to leave the reader more self-aware -- much of McGraw￯﾿ﾽs focus is on breaking old habits so that the same mistakes aren￯﾿ﾽt repeated in future relationships. The resultant improvement in both emotional and mental health (which often equates to better physical health as well, due to lessened stress) can only have a positive effect on other, nonromantic relationships as well as any future romantic ones. (Beth Amos)

FROM THE PUBLISHER

In his bestselling self-help bible, Life Strategies, high-profile psychologist Phil McGraw helped thousands of people break free from destructive habits and situations. Now he turns his attention to troubled relationships, providing a program of expert advice geared to reconnecting partners who are seriously committed to staying together. Filled with questionnaires, checklists, and other diagnostic tools, this authoritative guide allows readers to pinpoint specific problems. McGraw then explodes ten of the most popular relationship myths about romance, problem-solving, and personality differences, replacing them with clear, action-oriented steps to help get partners back on the right track. He eschews the rhetoric of standard "couples therapy,'' stressing at every turn the importance of taking personal responsibility not only for yourself but for the state of your relationship. Finally he addresses such recurring problems as sex, fighting, and forgiveness and provides serious, hard-hitting advice on avoiding wrong thinking and dealing with real-life issues—even renegotiating the fundamental principles of the relationship.

SYNOPSIS

With Life Strategies, Phil McGraw helped hundreds of thousands of people take responsibility for their own actions and break free from self-destructive habits and situations. Now he turns his honest, unflinching eye towards relationships-diagnosing them, repairing them, and maintaining them. This hands-on audio book is for people who realize their relationships is in trouble, but who don't want to give up on it. Dr. McGraw helps get relationships back on track with clear action-oriented steps for reconnecting partners.

Diagnose the relationship Take personal responsibility Escape wrong thinking Embrace relationship truth Learn the formula for success in a relationship Renegotiate the relationship Lean to live with love and harmony

Relationship Rescue offers readers the chance for further happiness through meaningful, fulfilling relationships.

FROM THE CRITICS

Library Journal

McGraw does a wonderful job of examining practical steps that can help to rescue floundering intimate relationships. From the beginning, he acknowledges that only one partner may be inspired to take the action he recommends. He says the core causes of relationship collapse include believing in relationship myths; failing to take personal responsibility for the relationship; and ignoring one's own "core consciousness" (i.e., that which is integral to one's own belief systems). He then helps the listener learn how these blocks can be identified and overcome. McGraw's acknowledged belief in a "Higher Power" might also bring comfort to users who desire a religious basis for healing. The advice itself, however, is mainstream, obviously based on McGraw's broad experience as a counselor, and will almost certainly inspire someone looking for help for a relationship in crisis. Librarians acquiring this program must be aware of limitations that may make it a secondary purchase. First, this tape is meant to be used over an extended period of time. Second, a "relationship test booklet" is included in the package--a small pamphlet that will soon be lost in most libraries. Finally, the author indicates that use of this book alone is enough to save a failing relationship. Most patrons, after reviewing the audiobook, will decide if they want to have their own copy or not. In the meantime, it may offer hope to anyone struggling to make a relationship work.--Kathleen Sullivan, Phoenix P.L. Copyright 2000 Cahners Business Information.\

AudioFile

Plain and simple, this is the best audio on fixing romantic relationships that's ever been made. It's not perfect (Dr. Phil's cowboy omnipotence is not everyone's taste), but it covers every aspect of rediscovering and nurturing a long term connection. He urges listeners to first become integrated by finding their "core consciousness" and then to make a decision, if possible, to do whatever their partner needs to make the relationship work. The advice is well organized and supported by fabulous exercises, and it's mainly for couples who want to succeed with each other. Intuitive and sensible by anyone's standards, the program gives specific advice on how to get away from unhealthy ways of connecting and find satisfaction in unconditional commitment and giving. T.W. © AudioFile 2001, Portland, Maine

Beth Amos

February 2000

Are you in a troubled relationship? Worried about the stability of your marriage or your future with your life partner? Have you considered counseling but forgone it for a lack of either time or money? Now you can get help for your floundering relationship and the next-best thing to your own personal counselor with Phillip McGraw's newest self-help book, Relationship Rescue.

At a time when the stability of relationships is at an all-time low and divorce rates still hang above the 50 percent mark, McGraw's book is a welcome addition to the self-help market. Its intensive, hands-on approach sets it apart from all the rest and may offer the best solution for many who are hoping to build (or resurrect) a meaningful and fulfilling relationship.

McGraw's basic premise isn't revolutionary. Like many before him, he preaches that the quality of a relationship depends upon two things: the existence and strength of an underlying friendship and the degree to which the needs of both partners are met. The different between McGraw's approach and that of others in the field is the way he goes about guiding the reader through this process. The program McGraw advocates in Relationship Rescue isn't geared toward figuring out why a relationship is broken but rather toward fixing it. His book is not for the fainthearted: McGraw makes it clear up front that a serious commitment is required, for the process is neither easy nor comfortable.

An intriguing aspect of McGraw's method is that it doesn't require active involvement from the other partner in the relationship, though admittedly the whole process is more likely to succeed if both parties work together. Instead, McGraw puts the onus squarely on the reader's shoulders, advocating a program of self-healing that will identify destructive behaviors, overcome damaging beliefs, and promote realistic goal-setting for the relationship. The process involves an intensive program of self-analysis, brutal honesty, and accountability. McGraw directs readers to accept responsibility for their own happiness, to identify those obstacles that may be preventing it, and to take an aggressive and active approach toward achieving it. According to McGraw, fixing yourself will trigger changes in your partner's behaviors and attitudes, changes that will ultimately salvage the relationship.

If this sounds like a monumental task, it is. However, Relationship Rescue walks readers through the process one step at a time, providing the type of information, guidance, and "sessions" one might experience in a therapist's office. The book contains guidelines to stimulate thought, questionnaires to help the reader identify and deal with any emotional baggage they might be carrying, a provocative look at the types of behaviors that reflect one's "dark side," and even a scripted dialogue for when it's time to approach the partner. It's an ongoing and lengthy process, replete with lots of homework.

McGraw's tone is a refreshing one that brooks no nonsense and gets straight to the heart of the matter. He takes a firm stand on a number of issues, often coming down on the opposite side of the fence from many current relationship counselors. He embraces the differences between men and women and defends certain types of disagreement as necessary evils. He emphasizes the importance of intimacy and vulnerability and dispels some commonly held myths about romance, love, and the nature of relationships. And his ideas on the necessity of conflict resolution may turn some modern-day counselors apoplectic.

This isn't a warm and fuzzy book; in fact, readers who actually go through all of McGraw's activities will find many of them downright uncomfortable. There are no platitudes or cutesy sayings here to provide short-term cover-ups; rather the book reads like an intensive-care manual for saving a floundering relationship or resurrecting a dying one. Following McGraw's plan may not succeed in all cases; in fact, he lists some scenarios that don't, in his opinion, warrant the attempt. But even if his plan fails to save an existing relationship, it is bound to leave the reader more self-aware. Much of McGraw's focus is on breaking old habits so that the same mistakes aren't repeated in future relationships. The resultant improvement in both emotional and mental health (which often equates to better physical health as well, due to lessened stress) can only have a positive effect on other, nonromantic relationships as well as any future romantic ones.

--Beth Amos