Yes, your children can have better relationships than you and your siblings did, says author Peter Goldenthal. In Beyond Sibling Rivalry, Goldenthal, a practicing psychologist specializing in sibling and family relationships, provides thoughtful and informative theory and practice for easing this challenging element of family life. In many ways, Beyond Sibling Rivalry is a general positive-parenting text that teaches parents to learn their child's needs by paying attention to the child. Yet, for specific examples and issues, Goldenthal focuses on sibling relationships. In 12 chapters, the book moves from predictable and preventable conflicts (preparing a child for a sibling's arrival, conflicts about sharing, and knowing when to intervene) to rivalry's more challenging issues (such as recognizing it in all its forms and compensating for the challenges that ADHD brings into the home).

Goldenthal bases his approach largely on famed psychiatrist Ivan Boszormenyi-Nagy's contextual theory--an approach that considers the entire family as the context for the sibling relationship and focuses on issues of fairness and justice to help resolve them. Goldenthal stresses the parental role in creating and encouraging sibling rivalry, encourages readers to examine their own sibling relationships, and teaches them how to stop encouraging competition between children by acknowledging individual talents and skills without comparison. Beyond Sibling Rivalry is a hopeful and proactive book. Goldenthal believes the ultimate cure for sibling rivalry is self-esteem and generosity, and the final chapters focus on facilitating empathy and altruism in your kids. --Ericka Lutz


From Publishers Weekly
Rather than focusing only on how to handle specific bouts between siblings, Goldenthal, a Philadelphia-area family psychologist, covers a wider scope, exploring how sibling conflict can be diminished or avoided altogether. Goldenthal explains how sibling rivalry can be exacerbated by many aspects of a child's life?problems at school, poor self-esteem, difficulties with friends, parents who compare siblings or criticize and the stress of trying to measure up to parents' expectations held over from their own childhood, to name just a few. Parents will be reassured to learn that their children can be encouraged to be empathetic toward one another and that simple tactics, such as the use of verbal praise or small rewards to reinforce positive behavior, can help waylay aggressive behavior among sibs. Goldenthal explains how and when to appropriately use rewards; without placing blame, he also reveals how parental behavior can unwittingly contribute to sibling conflict. The author looks beyond immediate who-did-what explanations to deeper connections and causes within the family. Goldenthal's suggestions on how to build healthy family relationships will be useful to parents who feel they are now at the mercy of their children's squabbles. While the writing is sometimes awkward and the text is overloaded with wordy case studies, Goldenthal's work gives clear-cut guidance for parents struggling to facilitate harmony among their children. Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc.


Myrna Shure, author of Raising a Thinking Child
"A must-read book for all parents who want to raise empathetic, compassionate, and successful human beings."


Wendy Schuman, Executive Editor, Parents magazine
"Dr. Goldenthal provides parents with the practical help they need."


William B. Carey, M.D., Clinical Professor of Pediatrics, University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine
"A unique and valuable book."


Review
"A must-read book for all parents who want to raise empathetic, compassionate, and successful human beings." --Myrna Shure, author of Raising a Thinking Child

"Dr. Goldenthal provides parents with the practical help they need." --Wendy Schuman, Executive Editor, Parents magazine

"A unique and valuable book." --William B. Carey, M.D., Clinical Professor of Pediatrics, University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine



Book Description
A new way to look at sibling rivalry that sees children's relationships with each other in the context of the family as a whole. This is the first book to incorporate the latest thinking regarding family relationships as important contexts in which sibling relationships develop. Unlike other books that insist that conflicts among siblings reflect jealousy and a longing for parents' undivided attention, Dr. Goldenthal asserts that all family relationships have a bearing on rivalry between brothers and sisters--not only their relationship with each other but their relationship with their parents, and even their parents' relationships with their parents. Through examples of many different types of problem family situations, he gives practical guidelines and tools for solving common and not-so-common sibling conflicts. He shows parents of young children how to institute child-rearing practices that will prevent or at least diminish future sibling conflicts, and he provides strategies for reducing friction and stress among children when they arise.



From the Publisher
A new way to look at sibling rivalry that sees children's relationships with each other in the context of the family as a whole. This is the first book to incorporate the latest thinking regarding family relationships as important contexts in which sibling relationships develop. Unlike other books that insist that conflicts among siblings reflect jealousy and a longing for parents' undivided attention, Dr. Goldenthal asserts that all family relationships have a bearing on rivalry between brothers and sisters--not only their relationship with each other but their relationship with their parents, and even their parents' relationships with their parents. Through examples of many different types of problem family situations, he gives practical guidelines and tools for solving common and not-so-common sibling conflicts. He shows parents of young children how to institute child-rearing practices that will prevent or at least diminish future sibling conflicts, and he provides strategies for reducing friction and stress among children when they arise.


About the Author
Peter Goldenthal, Ph.D., one of the few board certified in both clinical and family psychology, has been in private practice since 1982 and is also clinical assistant professor of child and adolescent psychiatry at Jefferson Medical College in Phila-delphia. He lives near Philadelphia.

ANNOTATION

"...provides practical guidelines & tools for reducing friction among children...explains how to recognize & highlight each child's unique abilities & interests...ideal for all parents trying to raise caring human beings."

FROM THE PUBLISHER

In this groundbreaking look at sibling rivalry, Dr. Peter Goldenthal offers a whole new view into children's relationships with one another: in the context of the family as a whole. Beyond Sibling Rivalry illustrates that how your children get along is actually influenced by many factors: how you related to your parents and siblings; how you treat each of your children; how you communicate with your partner; and how you differentiate between your own psychological issues and those of your children. Using many different types of family problems as examples, Dr. Goldenthal provides practical guidelines and tools for reducing friction among children and resolving sibling conflicts.

WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING